Being twenty-three is one of those weird ages. You’re old enough to drink, may or may not still be in college, may or may not be married, may or may not be on kid number two, and may or may not be single. I think it’s a pivotal moment for most people and here’s what I’ve learned so far.
1. It’s pretty fucking awesome being sober
Yep. I am 23 years old and I decided sobriety was more fitting than drinking. It’s wild, it’s engraved into our minds at a rather young age that if you are an adult you drink. You have a glass of wine with dinner or crack a cold one with the boys on a weekend. It’s woven into our lives that in order to have fun we must be under the influence or not remember it. I woke up one morning and thought “why? why am I “celebrating” by not remembering?” So on my 23rd birthday I was sober. I didn’t black out or go to a bar with all my friends, instead I made some pizzas at home accompanied by veggies and fruits and talked about the universe with my closest friends. It was the most memorable and fulfilling birthday I have ever had. Hangovers are shitty. I think life is far too short to be stoked on forgetting half of it.
2. You will gain more respect by being honest
Doesn’t matter what the situation is. If you find it in your heart to be open and honest with another person, as well as, with yourself you will thrive in this life. I have learned, through some rather unfortunate circumstances, that lying will get you no where. You may have it made up in your mind that it will make things easier or that you are sparing the other persons feelings, but you are wrong. Oh, so wrong. There’s a kind of freeing feeling that comes from being honest. A kind of security that washes over you when you admit that you’ve done wrong or if you don’t feel up for seeing someone. Own that.
3. Set up an automatic bank transfer to a savings or investment account
Get in the habit of putting money away each week. Even if it’s just $10. Spare yourself going out to lunch every Thursday and invest it in yourself. If you do the simple math you’d have $520 after a year if you decided to stop going out once a week. That’s a plane ticket my friend and only $10 in a basic savings account. Imagine if you took that $10 and invested in the stock market. Slowly that $520 could be $800 or $1000 depending on how your stocks are doing. It doesn’t need to be anything major, but I highly recommend setting this up.
4. Surround yourself with people who share similar goals and aspirations
You are who you spend your time with. The moments of your everyday become your life. If you’re surrounding yourself with people who don’t share the same goals or mindsets you’re actually setting yourself back. It wasn’t until last year that I started to get into different hobbies like yoga, rock climbing, and outdoor sports. Through these interests I have met people who I consider some of my closest friends. Find the things that make you happy and you will find people who you enjoy being around. I can guarantee it.
5. If they aren’t texting you back move the fuck on
Short and sweet. Life happens. We are young and have our whole lives ahead of us. If Joe Shmo or Sally Sue doesn’t get in contact with you it’s probably because either A. They are too busy leading their own lives to make time for another person or B. They just aren’t that into you. I have come to learn that the people who want to be in your life will be. That goes for communication, friendships, and relationships. They are two way streets. If you start to realize the road is morphing into a one way, accept the change and move on. Your time is far too valuable to be spent on people who don’t make you feel good. Besides, the world is filled with 7 billion people, there’s bound to be someone who will make you feel appreciated and worthy of a text back.
6. Learn to cook
This is not a joke. I am 100% serious. There is something so rewarding about making a meal that’s delicious for yourself and for others. When I was in Iceland I learned a valuable lesson. There is no greater joy than to see the look on someones face when they taste your cooking and they are in awe. Food truly is the window to the soul and call me old fashioned, but no one cooks for each other anymore. It’s something I have only experienced outside of the United States amongst young people. Nowadays everyone just goes out. They meet at a restaurant or coffee shop instead of inviting people into their homes and into their lives to share a meal in a more intimate setting. It’s such a peculiar thing. So learn to cook and invite your friends over for dinner.
7. Call your mom. Call your dad. Call your grandparents. Call your entire family.
Make it a habit. I have been calling my Pappy every Sunday for the last 2 years. Sometimes we talk about school and work and other day to day things, but sometimes we talk about the universe and the way the world works. We talk about changes in society and how everyone is in a hurry all the time. We talk about things that matter. Those 45 minutes are the highlight of my week. I make it a point to call my parents once a week and to catch up with my other family once a month. I’ve realized my family is getting older just as I am. They are experiencing new things just as I am and for fucks sake your mother loves you unconditionally and probably just wants to hear you breathing, at least that’s how my mom is. So call your family. Make time for them.
8. You don’t have to be in love with your job
Sometimes a job is just a job and that’s okay. If it pays the bills, fits your moral code, and doesn’t make you severely unhappy I don’t see why you must get rid of it in order to fit some unrealistic expectation of the workforce. That whole “If you love what you do for work you’ll never work a day in your life” quote is kind of bullshit. I mean yes, I do think you should enjoy your job, but at the same time if it pays your bills and you have the freedom to do the things that truly make you happy, then what’s the harm in it?
9. Meet significant others in person
Online dating is kind of wack. Not only are you basing your entire opinion of someone solely on looks, but you have no idea what these people are actually like. So save yourself the awkward tinder encounter and try to meet people in real life. So far it’s worked out for me so I believe there’s hope for you too.
10. Travel alone
Whether you’re going on a quick road trip 45 minutes away or you’re traveling to a far away land, you have to travel alone eventually. There’s a type of freedom that you encounter when you’re solo traveling. A type of high almost. You are on your own time and you can essentially do whatever you want whenever you want. You don’t feel like waking up at 7am? sleep in. You feel like talking to the stranger on the bus next to you and then going to a museum with them because they offered? fuck yeah do it. Life tends to bring people into your life when you least expect it and you will receive the neatest opportunities when you are venturing alone in a new place.
11. Plants help with depression
When my cat, Apollo, died I was empty. He was my first pet, I got him when I still lived in the college dorms and had to hide him from my RA. He had been with me through multiple moves, breakups, and ending of friendships. He was my rock and when I lost him I felt like shit. I couldn’t get another animal, but I needed to take care of something. Have a reason to get up every morning. My plants saved me in a really dark time. As odd as that sounds. Watching them grow and progress and become a more rich green is a really good feeling. Also they clean the air in your home. Which is cool.
12. Not every moment needs to be captured
With social media it’s so easy to get roped into this idea that you need to record everything that happens. You don’t. Enjoy the moment for what it is. Bask in the fact that you will forever have that feeling instead of constantly experiencing life through a lens.
13. Show up
Another one of those, doesn’t matter what the situation is, just do it. Be there. Whether it’s a job interview, a friends birthday, a funeral, or a graduation be there. Show you give a shit because half of the battle is showing up and then the rest seems to unfold as it should. Oh and while you’re at it, show up 15 minutes early.
14. You don’t owe anyone anything and no one owes you anything
You don’t deserve a text back. You don’t deserve a second date. You don’t deserve to know everything about someones life. This was a hard lesson for me to swallow, because I am a bit of a control freak, but once it settled I understood its validity. It wasn’t until my friend passed away that I realized I didn’t owe anyone anything. I didn’t owe them an explanation or a reason for anything. I am my own person in the same light that they are their own person. No one is entitled to my time or my passions. *mic drop*
15. Sexuality is complex
Maybe not for all people, but for me it is. This was a constant struggle for me from the time I was 16 up until today. In today’s society we have a desire to put everything into categories — things, places, files, people. If we don’t understand something we try to give it a label to understand it better. I came out at 17 and then had to come out again as bisexual a few years ago because society told me I had to have a label because people had to know what I was. Which is pretty fucked in my opinion. I like who I like. People are so different and they are so vast. How can you say “I like this and I am going to like this for the rest of my life?” Pretty intense. So I accepted sexuality is one of those things that’s very fluid for me and life got easier. So if you’re in the same boat you’re okay, just breathe. Sometimes people are just really attractive and you don’t know why you all of sudden find them attractive. It’s okay. Just go with the flow.
16. Clean your house because you deserve to live in a place you are proud of
Simple as that. You are 23 years old, the days of living in dorm room scum are over and you owe it to yourself to live in a clean home that you wouldn’t mind your mom showing up at on a random Tuesday night.
17. Ask people how their day is going
I picked up this habit a few years back out of being uncomfortable with silence. It all started in the Pubsub line at Publix when it was almost closing time and it was just the man behind the counter making my sub and me. I asked him how his day was going and he had sparkle in his eye and went on to tell me about how good of a day he had. How he finally was able to apply for retirement and how he’s about to have a grandson after having three granddaughters. In those 10 minutes it took me to get a sub I conjured up a conversation that probably made this guys night. Service industry or service workers sometimes are treated like shit. I would know because I’m a bartender. Besides the point. The point is, talk to people. Ask them about their lives, people love to talk about themselves and often no one asks so it’s a rewarding thing to get someone to open up about their life.
18. On the other hand, find peace in silence
You don’t always need headphones in or background noise. It’s okay to sit in silence and in fact it’s necessary. Silence gives you a chance to think about things and to contemplate decisions. Read the book Silence in the Age of Noise by Earling Kagge it’ll change the way you view silence.
19. Stretching is important
I manage to carve out 15 minutes out of my morning to do yoga and stretches. Sometimes this 15 minutes turns into 30 or 45, but it’s never a bad thing. You have to wake up your muscles some how and it’s a really good habit to get into, especially if you have any kind of muscle or joint pain, or play any sports or lead an active lifestyle.
20. Know your worth and Don’t sell yourself short
My friend’s dad once told me “Know your worth. If your painting is worth $1000 you better sell it for $1000. Your creativity is valuable and you should never think you deserve less because of the person who is purchasing it.” Gave me a lot of perspective as an artist and designer. I am learning my worth and what I am willing to tolerate from a client. It’s been an interesting process.
21. Just because you speak English does not mean everyone else needs to or should
Have you ever been a stranger in a strange land? Let me tell you. Being in a country where people speak another language is tough. When I was in Costa Rica, luckily I speak a little Spanish, I was able to communicate through broken spanglish, but you want to know why people were helping me? because I was trying to speak their language. I was making an effort to be apart of their culture instead of expecting them to speak English. Many Americans feel entitled to the English language meanwhile people in Europe speak five languages including English. So word of advice, doesn’t matter if you’re in a foreign country or at the super market, be aware that everyone might not speak your language and sometimes they are too embarrassed to speak up about it. So be kind and also if you’re going to another country, learn a few words. People will respect you for trying.
22. Thrift stores and dumpsters have the best things
Yep. I said it. Not only are most of my clothes thrifted, but so is most of my furniture. Til the end of time I will rep that my Vintage classic blue velvet couch was found for free by a dumpster. People throw out so many good things it’s silly to pay full price for anything. Especially because fast fashion is a surefire way of ruining our environment.
AND
23. Love yourself unconditionally
You come into this world alone and you leave this world alone, the least you can do is be your own best friend through the journey of it all. It’s hard to love yourself unconditionally. It’s something I am continuously learning every day and it’s been a difficult process. Changing the way you talk to yourself is a powerful experience. Instead of saying “I look awful” try saying “I look tired, maybe I should go to sleep earlier” or “I’m going to treat myself to a face mask because my skin needs a pick me up.” These subtle changes will make a huge difference in your mental health. At least they did for me. I’ll be honest though. when I first started to genuinely show myself self love it started with yoga and working out. The physical stuff, the outer body flesh suit stuff. Which is great, but at the same time I was so hard on myself for my looks that it became another negative process. It wasn’t until I wrote down a new morning mantra and started repeating it to myself every morning that things started to change, that the way I viewed myself morphed into something beautiful. I can’t describe the way it feels to look at yourself in the mirror, look at yourself in the eyes and tell yourself you are worthy. I think everyone should give it a go.
With each setting sun there is an ever-changing sunrise awaiting.
There’s a lot to be grateful for — positivity radiates.
Acceptance. Patience. Forgiveness.
INHALE.EXHALE.
Make the most of today.
I am always learning and I am always finding new ways to push the boundaries of myself. Even though I’ve only been on this earth for 23 years I feel like I’m off to a pretty solid start.
